KNOWITALL UNIVERSITY

We all know at least one...

A know-it-all.

Seldom knows anything, but act likes they know everything.

You cannot hide from them. They lurk around offices, classrooms, elevators and water coolers. They stalk their prey waiting for the perfect time to pounce. And when you least expect it they open their toxic mouths ...

 

It was recently brought to my attention that the first sentence of my first blog entry (if you haven't read it you should) of my first blog contains a grammatical error. Hmm… strange, since I had it proofed by a few people. How could this be? It’s because it is probably one of the more common errors. I bet you that you couldn’t even pick it up if you went back and read it right now.

Than, instead of Then.

Really!? Really? Does anyone actually know why there is a discrepancy in those two words? Also, I guess you missed the actual title: “Cause there’s no worse way to fly.” Also grammatically incorrect.

Nothing peeves me more than a know-it-all. The thing about know-it-all's is that there is a disconnect between the actual amount of information they have stored in their tiny brains and the awareness that they really know very little. Kind of like a small child or anyone on Fox News (except for Megyn Kelly… wowza.). 

Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly while posing for Maxim:

So unless you look like Megyn Kelly, please stop trying to fix everything and everybody. Maybe worry about yourself for a change? We are all human and therefore imperfect (hard to believe with Mrs. Kelly staring at you like that). It's ok if you're really an idiot. No need to hide it by acting like a know-it-all...

...like Mr. Bill O'Reilly. WE'LL DO IT LIVE!

Know someone like this? Rant about it! (you could be MVP)

Jabronie of the Week: The Gaddaffi's: Muammar and his son Saif. Get the F out. The west hates you (see U.N. sanctions), the Middle East hates you and your own people hate you. Seriously. Get the F out.

MVP!!!!: Hassan for trying to enjoy his delicious cheese steak at Geno's, but being exposed to the ethnocentrism:

It's not quite an Oscar, but you're still techinically famous.

(For the record Hassan speaks excellent English.)


MVP Honorable Mention: Iloveprime for having to endure, ordering multiple burritos (as an intern) for an office full of lazies, that refused to use the online order sheet.

Thanks to everyone who shared last week.  Tune in next week.

Cupido dispara a matar en Chipotle Día de San Valentín

Roughly translated: Cupid shoots to kill at Chipotle on Valentines Day

This is not your typical Fox News, the world is ending, so get ready headline. I went to Chipotle for lunch last Monday (Valentines Day) and had Cupid been there he would've been making it rain fiery arrows tipped with poisonous hell fire. Not because Cupid has turned his back on his only holiday, but because every moron in that place was either lovestruck or just a moron.

Can anyone explain to me why people are still making decisions at the counter when they have been waiting in line for 20 mins? I swear! The line is rolling 65 deep in a 15X15 restaurant. All you want to do is get the F out of there and the clown at the counter is still deciding if he wants mild or medium.

CHIPTOLE RULE #1: ORDER PROMPTLY (ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE WAITED IN A LINE)
(or cupid will shoot a fiery arrow up your @$$... yes, I know asperand, dollar sign, dollar sign is pretty middle school, but I have some young, impressionable followers) 

Or how about the fine gentleman on his phone for the entire ordering process costing everyone behind him in line valuable milli-seconds:

CHIPOTLE RULE #2: STAY THE "F" OFF OF YOUR PHONE DURING YOUR ORDER CLOWN
(or cupid will throw heart shaped ninja stars in your eyes)

My favorite, the double (or even triple order). You're the second to last person in line and the person in front of you orders a burrito bowl. You begin to step forward thinking it is your turn, when WHAMMY "I'd like a steak burrito as well please." I have even seen a third order from one customer (but not on this day).

CHIPTOLE RULE #3: Unless you are a mother buying a burrito for her son (you're welcome ma) NEVER, EVER ORDER MORE THAN ONE DISH.
(or cupid will take the extra dishes you have ordered and shove them up your @$$)

Chiptole makes tacos? Unless you are getting a hard shell taco, ordering tacos at Chiptole is like ordering three mini burritos. And nobody eats hard shell tacos (because they're terrible). No, it is not chic to order three mini burritos. It just takes three times longer to prepare. So unless your name is Cupid, do everyone in line a favor and order a normal size burrito (since Cupid is a man-baby, a mini burrito would actually be perfect size for him).

CHIPOTLE RULE #4: IF THERE IS A LONG LINE DO NOT ORDER TACOS
(or cupid will steal them from you to feed his family...it seems the down economy has affected us all).

It was unbelievable how this perfect storm of inconsideration could occur on such a day.

Thinking of other peevious scenarios you have encountered at Chiptole? Add more rules to the Chipotle Commandments. You could win MVP (most viciously peeved).

On to more important business. Jabronie of the week last week was Hosni Mubarak. The former [rat bastard] President of one of my Nationalities, Egypt.

Cause there's not a worse way to fly...

...then sitting coach, directly next to the plane's engine (see background). It's not like you got a window seat anyway. Yeah right, no way, never... they messed up your reservation and now your stuck between Monique and Roseanne Barr (figuratively speaking of course). Dinner comes and you get the gefilte fish, since the idiot at check-in marked you down for the kosher meal (and, no, there are no extras of any other meal). Oh, and the on-flight movie is Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

No, this is not hell.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the inspiration behind my blog, Peevious.

UrbanDictionary.com defines "peevous" as:

minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, to a greater degree than others may find it.

 peevous is showing: poor table manners, sloppy kitchen hygiene, smoking, grammatical errors in written passages, inconsiderate driving or lazy co-workers.

Obviously the dummy that invented that word didn't know that you have to add an "i" to the suffix -ous when the word is of Latin origin (I know what a dummy!) 

So I added the "i" and birthed this site where I will discuss annoyances (whether minor or major, common or unusual)  that occur week to week. 

I will encourage my followers (yes, that's you) to add rants. We all have at least 6-7 times per day where we are dumbfounded by the stupidity of people. Share your most peeved moment with me and at the end of the week (assuming enough people share) I will name an MVP (most viciously peeved). So share and you will be famous (at least to the crew at U of MD's Comm498A class)
 

One extra wrinkle: Every week I will name a Jabronie of the Week. This unfortunate soul will have done something incredibly stupid recently (Hosni Mubarak style) and I will do my best to humiliate him/her miserably. Don't worry famous people only (including people made famous by the media... see man with the golden voice).

Just in case you don't know what gelfite fish are:

... now imagine the airplane version.