In this next segment (which I will interject whenever I damn well please) I bring light to an issue that people prefer to brush under the carpet.
There is some sort of Metro area (D.C.) prejudice towards the murder capitol (Bmore) and I for one will not stand by while it remains unaddressed.
In this edition I will use the help of my good buddy Mel Kiper, Jr. to explain to all you D.C. area jabronie's why the Redskins Drool and Ravens DESTROY TEAMS WITH RECKLESS ABANDON.
Monday, May 2, 2011
LADIES: If the shoe fits, wear it...
... if it is too small please refrain from putting it on or this will happen:
CLICK BELOW TO READ MORE
CLICK BELOW TO READ MORE
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry...
I would like to apologize to my followers, fans and bystanders that were impacted by my lack of blogposts over the past few weeks. Please read this prepared statement:
Monday, March 28, 2011
MTV SPRING BREAK 2011
Y'all remember when MTV Spring Break was cool to watch (apparently it is still on)? :
All right stop, collaborate and listen, Supreme is back with my brand new invention. Something grabs a hold of me tightly flowin like a harpoon daily and nightly. Will it ever stop? Yo--I don't know...
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Ain't No Rest For the Wicked
Daylight Savings maylight schmavings.
A brief history lesson:
The inventor of Modern Daylight Savings is George Vernon Hudson... an entomologist. In other words he studied insects for a living.
As the story goes, there was once an Earwig with high aspirations. Eager to make a name for himself and leave a lasting footprint on this world he crawled through the ear of this kiwi (Hudson was English born, but New Zealand raised) and into his brain eating the majority of his frontal lobe. The Earwig was then able to use mind control on Hudson and make the rest of us miserable for one day every spring.
George Vernon Hudson (as the Earwig)
A brief history lesson:
The inventor of Modern Daylight Savings is George Vernon Hudson... an entomologist. In other words he studied insects for a living.
As the story goes, there was once an Earwig with high aspirations. Eager to make a name for himself and leave a lasting footprint on this world he crawled through the ear of this kiwi (Hudson was English born, but New Zealand raised) and into his brain eating the majority of his frontal lobe. The Earwig was then able to use mind control on Hudson and make the rest of us miserable for one day every spring.
George Vernon Hudson (as the Earwig)
Monday, March 7, 2011
What is a Jabronie?
Since Charlie Sheen did enough ranting for all of us this week, I wanted to take the time to educate some of you.
It has come to my attention that some of my followers do not know what the term "Jabronie" means and therefore are unable to understand the true meaning of the "Jabronie of the Week"
Also spelled jabroni and jabronee, Urbandictionary.com defines Jabronie as:
1 – noun
someone who is about to get owned.
2 - adjective
used to decribe a person or action lacking judgment or sense.
3 - A person who says stupid things all the time, often without knowing how dumb they really sound.
4 - A person that has no idea what is going on around them and asks idiotic questions on a regular basis.
5 - A word that the Rock started as a craze but Jerry "the King" Lawler really origniated
a wannabe.
Appropriate ways to use jabronie in a sentence:
1. Sick, that kid is so dirty, he is most definitely a jabroni.
2. This jabroni was smarting off to me, so I kicked his ass.
3. "Now look at this jabroni here"
4. Shut your mouth jabroni.
Now that we are all educated I can introduce this weeks Jabronie of the Week:
The #8 ranked (NCAA Men's Bball) BYU Cougars for suspending their starting center Brandon Davies for having premarital sex with his girlfriend. Check the Story.
MVP (Most Viciously Peeved): Is Michael... his rant speaks for it self:
Working in OB/GYN for the past week now... enough said, I know little to none about obstetrics compared to my 40-60yo, mothers of multiple children, female bosses.
The look on their faces when I mispronounced "lochia" (post-partum bleeding) would've made you think I messed up the teleprompter (see wild Bill above). Ugh.
Big thanks to Michael for correcting last weeks error: Megyn Kelly posed for GQ NOT Maxim.
Share, tweet, follow and spread the word. Video's coming soon from a Chipotle incident.
It has come to my attention that some of my followers do not know what the term "Jabronie" means and therefore are unable to understand the true meaning of the "Jabronie of the Week"
Also spelled jabroni and jabronee, Urbandictionary.com defines Jabronie as:
1 – noun
someone who is about to get owned.
2 - adjective
used to decribe a person or action lacking judgment or sense.
3 - A person who says stupid things all the time, often without knowing how dumb they really sound.
4 - A person that has no idea what is going on around them and asks idiotic questions on a regular basis.
5 - A word that the Rock started as a craze but Jerry "the King" Lawler really origniated
a wannabe.
Appropriate ways to use jabronie in a sentence:
1. Sick, that kid is so dirty, he is most definitely a jabroni.
2. This jabroni was smarting off to me, so I kicked his ass.
3. "Now look at this jabroni here"
4. Shut your mouth jabroni.
Now that we are all educated I can introduce this weeks Jabronie of the Week:
The #8 ranked (NCAA Men's Bball) BYU Cougars for suspending their starting center Brandon Davies for having premarital sex with his girlfriend. Check the Story.
MVP (Most Viciously Peeved): Is Michael... his rant speaks for it self:
Working in OB/GYN for the past week now... enough said, I know little to none about obstetrics compared to my 40-60yo, mothers of multiple children, female bosses.
The look on their faces when I mispronounced "lochia" (post-partum bleeding) would've made you think I messed up the teleprompter (see wild Bill above). Ugh.
Big thanks to Michael for correcting last weeks error: Megyn Kelly posed for GQ NOT Maxim.
Share, tweet, follow and spread the word. Video's coming soon from a Chipotle incident.
Monday, February 28, 2011
KNOWITALL UNIVERSITY
We all know at least one...
A know-it-all.
Seldom knows anything, but act likes they know everything.
You cannot hide from them. They lurk around offices, classrooms, elevators and water coolers. They stalk their prey waiting for the perfect time to pounce. And when you least expect it they open their toxic mouths ...
It was recently brought to my attention that the first sentence of my first blog entry (if you haven't read it you should) of my first blog contains a grammatical error. Hmm… strange, since I had it proofed by a few people. How could this be? It’s because it is probably one of the more common errors. I bet you that you couldn’t even pick it up if you went back and read it right now.
Than, instead of Then.
Really!? Really? Does anyone actually know why there is a discrepancy in those two words? Also, I guess you missed the actual title: “Cause there’s no worse way to fly.” Also grammatically incorrect.
Nothing peeves me more than a know-it-all. The thing about know-it-all's is that there is a disconnect between the actual amount of information they have stored in their tiny brains and the awareness that they really know very little. Kind of like a small child or anyone on Fox News (except for Megyn Kelly… wowza.).
Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly while posing for Maxim:
So unless you look like Megyn Kelly, please stop trying to fix everything and everybody. Maybe worry about yourself for a change? We are all human and therefore imperfect (hard to believe with Mrs. Kelly staring at you like that). It's ok if you're really an idiot. No need to hide it by acting like a know-it-all...
...like Mr. Bill O'Reilly. WE'LL DO IT LIVE!
Know someone like this? Rant about it! (you could be MVP)
Jabronie of the Week: The Gaddaffi's: Muammar and his son Saif. Get the F out. The west hates you (see U.N. sanctions), the Middle East hates you and your own people hate you. Seriously. Get the F out.
MVP!!!!: Hassan for trying to enjoy his delicious cheese steak at Geno's, but being exposed to the ethnocentrism:
(For the record Hassan speaks excellent English.)
MVP Honorable Mention: Iloveprime for having to endure, ordering multiple burritos (as an intern) for an office full of lazies, that refused to use the online order sheet.
Thanks to everyone who shared last week. Tune in next week.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Cupido dispara a matar en Chipotle Día de San Valentín
Roughly translated: Cupid shoots to kill at Chipotle on Valentines Day
This is not your typical Fox News, the world is ending, so get ready headline. I went to Chipotle for lunch last Monday (Valentines Day) and had Cupid been there he would've been making it rain fiery arrows tipped with poisonous hell fire. Not because Cupid has turned his back on his only holiday, but because every moron in that place was either lovestruck or just a moron.
Can anyone explain to me why people are still making decisions at the counter when they have been waiting in line for 20 mins? I swear! The line is rolling 65 deep in a 15X15 restaurant. All you want to do is get the F out of there and the clown at the counter is still deciding if he wants mild or medium.
CHIPTOLE RULE #1: ORDER PROMPTLY (ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE WAITED IN A LINE)
(or cupid will shoot a fiery arrow up your @$$... yes, I know asperand, dollar sign, dollar sign is pretty middle school, but I have some young, impressionable followers)
Or how about the fine gentleman on his phone for the entire ordering process costing everyone behind him in line valuable milli-seconds:
CHIPOTLE RULE #2: STAY THE "F" OFF OF YOUR PHONE DURING YOUR ORDER CLOWN
(or cupid will throw heart shaped ninja stars in your eyes)
My favorite, the double (or even triple order). You're the second to last person in line and the person in front of you orders a burrito bowl. You begin to step forward thinking it is your turn, when WHAMMY "I'd like a steak burrito as well please." I have even seen a third order from one customer (but not on this day).
CHIPTOLE RULE #3: Unless you are a mother buying a burrito for her son (you're welcome ma) NEVER, EVER ORDER MORE THAN ONE DISH.
(or cupid will take the extra dishes you have ordered and shove them up your @$$)
Chiptole makes tacos? Unless you are getting a hard shell taco, ordering tacos at Chiptole is like ordering three mini burritos. And nobody eats hard shell tacos (because they're terrible). No, it is not chic to order three mini burritos. It just takes three times longer to prepare. So unless your name is Cupid, do everyone in line a favor and order a normal size burrito (since Cupid is a man-baby, a mini burrito would actually be perfect size for him).
CHIPOTLE RULE #4: IF THERE IS A LONG LINE DO NOT ORDER TACOS
(or cupid will steal them from you to feed his family...it seems the down economy has affected us all).
It was unbelievable how this perfect storm of inconsideration could occur on such a day.
Thinking of other peevious scenarios you have encountered at Chiptole? Add more rules to the Chipotle Commandments. You could win MVP (most viciously peeved).
On to more important business. Jabronie of the week last week was Hosni Mubarak. The former [rat bastard] President of one of my Nationalities, Egypt.
This is not your typical Fox News, the world is ending, so get ready headline. I went to Chipotle for lunch last Monday (Valentines Day) and had Cupid been there he would've been making it rain fiery arrows tipped with poisonous hell fire. Not because Cupid has turned his back on his only holiday, but because every moron in that place was either lovestruck or just a moron.
Can anyone explain to me why people are still making decisions at the counter when they have been waiting in line for 20 mins? I swear! The line is rolling 65 deep in a 15X15 restaurant. All you want to do is get the F out of there and the clown at the counter is still deciding if he wants mild or medium.
CHIPTOLE RULE #1: ORDER PROMPTLY (ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE WAITED IN A LINE)
(or cupid will shoot a fiery arrow up your @$$... yes, I know asperand, dollar sign, dollar sign is pretty middle school, but I have some young, impressionable followers)
Or how about the fine gentleman on his phone for the entire ordering process costing everyone behind him in line valuable milli-seconds:
CHIPOTLE RULE #2: STAY THE "F" OFF OF YOUR PHONE DURING YOUR ORDER CLOWN
(or cupid will throw heart shaped ninja stars in your eyes)
My favorite, the double (or even triple order). You're the second to last person in line and the person in front of you orders a burrito bowl. You begin to step forward thinking it is your turn, when WHAMMY "I'd like a steak burrito as well please." I have even seen a third order from one customer (but not on this day).
CHIPTOLE RULE #3: Unless you are a mother buying a burrito for her son (you're welcome ma) NEVER, EVER ORDER MORE THAN ONE DISH.
(or cupid will take the extra dishes you have ordered and shove them up your @$$)
Chiptole makes tacos? Unless you are getting a hard shell taco, ordering tacos at Chiptole is like ordering three mini burritos. And nobody eats hard shell tacos (because they're terrible). No, it is not chic to order three mini burritos. It just takes three times longer to prepare. So unless your name is Cupid, do everyone in line a favor and order a normal size burrito (since Cupid is a man-baby, a mini burrito would actually be perfect size for him).
CHIPOTLE RULE #4: IF THERE IS A LONG LINE DO NOT ORDER TACOS
(or cupid will steal them from you to feed his family...it seems the down economy has affected us all).
It was unbelievable how this perfect storm of inconsideration could occur on such a day.
Thinking of other peevious scenarios you have encountered at Chiptole? Add more rules to the Chipotle Commandments. You could win MVP (most viciously peeved).
On to more important business. Jabronie of the week last week was Hosni Mubarak. The former [rat bastard] President of one of my Nationalities, Egypt.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Cause there's not a worse way to fly...
...then sitting coach, directly next to the plane's engine (see background). It's not like you got a window seat anyway. Yeah right, no way, never... they messed up your reservation and now your stuck between Monique and Roseanne Barr (figuratively speaking of course). Dinner comes and you get the gefilte fish, since the idiot at check-in marked you down for the kosher meal (and, no, there are no extras of any other meal). Oh, and the on-flight movie is Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
No, this is not hell.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is the inspiration behind my blog, Peevious.
UrbanDictionary.com defines "peevous" as:
So I added the "i" and birthed this site where I will discuss annoyances (whether minor or major, common or unusual) that occur week to week.
I will encourage my followers (yes, that's you) to add rants. We all have at least 6-7 times per day where we are dumbfounded by the stupidity of people. Share your most peeved moment with me and at the end of the week (assuming enough people share) I will name an MVP (most viciously peeved). So share and you will be famous (at least to the crew at U of MD's Comm498A class)
No, this is not hell.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is the inspiration behind my blog, Peevious.
UrbanDictionary.com defines "peevous" as:
minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, to a greater degree than others may find it.
peevous is showing: poor table manners, sloppy kitchen hygiene, smoking, grammatical errors in written passages, inconsiderate driving or lazy co-workers.
Obviously the dummy that invented that word didn't know that you have to add an "i" to the suffix -ous when the word is of Latin origin (I know what a dummy!)
So I added the "i" and birthed this site where I will discuss annoyances (whether minor or major, common or unusual) that occur week to week.
I will encourage my followers (yes, that's you) to add rants. We all have at least 6-7 times per day where we are dumbfounded by the stupidity of people. Share your most peeved moment with me and at the end of the week (assuming enough people share) I will name an MVP (most viciously peeved). So share and you will be famous (at least to the crew at U of MD's Comm498A class)
One extra wrinkle: Every week I will name a Jabronie of the Week. This unfortunate soul will have done something incredibly stupid recently (Hosni Mubarak style) and I will do my best to humiliate him/her miserably. Don't worry famous people only (including people made famous by the media... see man with the golden voice).
Just in case you don't know what gelfite fish are:
Just in case you don't know what gelfite fish are:
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